Rules for being a Russian Jewish Immigrant

Here they are. Honestly, it is exactly the truth.

* Wear Armani Exchange.

* Drive a Mercedes or BMW.

* Get a Bally Total Fitness membership just to use the steam room.

* Know at least 10 people named "Sasha". Male or female.

* Get a new cellphone at least once every 6 months

* Never spend more than $50 on sneakers.

* Have a $50 bottle of cologne with you at any moment.

* Never buy anything costing more than $1000 from a non-Russian.

* Make sure your job somehow involves computer programming, unless you are in medicine.

* Make sure that you have been to Niagara Falls on a Russian tour bus at least 5 times.

* You MUST have been to Brighton beach.

* When having guests over for a meal, put every food item you own out on the table

* You come home at 3am and your parents are still out partying

* When you go on a long trip somewhere, everyone has to sit down for a few minutes or else you will have bad luck.

* you shouldnt talk about something good happening before it does.

* You cant buy baby stuff before the baby is born, thats bad luck.

* People are always asking you if you can get them a cheep deal on something...and you can

* You know more than 30 Olgas, Annas, Natashas, and Vikas

* The first question your parents ask about a new girl you're dating is whether she is Jewish or not.

* You must wear tapki at your house, and must keep extra pairs for guests.

* your grandparents have rugs on their walls.

Comments

[Sya]

Rules for being a Third Generation Los Gatos resident:

You think EVERYONE knows were LG is

You drive an SUV with personalized plates

You pretend you don’t actually have to work

You belong to a swanky health club

You put on your cutest work-out wear to meet your friends for coffee

You go to the Farmer’s Market every Sunday to shop, but not for produce

You know all the firefighters in town

Your dad went to school at Old Town

When you google yourself, your name comes up under the “Early Settlers and their survivors or ancestors”

You shop at Lunardi’s, Whole Foods & Trader Joe’s – and you love Costco & Target

You don’t just have your SUV washed, you have it detailed

You have a second home in Lake Tahoe – or at least one you refer to as yours

You drive your mail to the post office just for an excuse to go downtown – and you catch your dad doing this

Your grandparents' house is a historical landmark

You think of Campbell as far away

San Jose? Don’t you have to pay for parking there?

Your toenails are always polished

You take your dog for a hike on the LG creek trail mid-day, then have coffee with your friends – this helps to reinforce the story about not having to work

You attend all the free concerts in town & take your best wine which you drink from Riedel 'O' glasses

You go to church at St. Mary’s even if you are not Catholic

You have 43 different types of salt from around the world

You have a lovely collection of fine red wines, but you secretly drink the $3.99 Viognier from TJ’s

You always know someone who knows someone…